Post Forty...Oh Lordie
In the wake of turning forty not long ago...like dmn...half the year ago actually; I have been slowing down to take it all in. I've always looked to my elders for gems but I am really leaning into to catching all the T that comes with aging gracefully. Although I am freshly stepping into my 40's, there are some shifts that's taking place and it feels like an evolution of greatness swirling. The lightbulbs are clickin n full circle moments are happening. In my 20's I was chasing money, my 30's I was chasing happiness....during my 40's I'm chasing growth.
Let me say this...I feel like SOON as I turned 40, my bones were activated to start randomly cracking, what in the hell...my body is turning on me already. This "health is wealth" mantra ain't no joke. I am still working on getting rid of this baby weight but I am definitely mindful of what I put in my body. Shyt just don't digest the way it used to. I am a lover of spicy foods but at this point-it doesn't reciprocate the love. Between acid reflux n hints of heartburn, I don't eat late. It's a recipe **pun intended** for disaster. My palate has since matured n I've become a water snob. Let's just say...I'll pay the 5 for good eats.
Speaking of paying the 5...my brain is currently shifting into retirement mode. I don't know HOW these #BabyBoomers do it but iiiii canNOT. I see them drag themselves into work, complaining the whole time whether their on their 2nd career or sat in the same seat for 20+ yrs-they be TIED!! A lot of times they stay working pass 60 to take care of their grown kids in college or if they were crazy enuff to have kids later in life n so forth-either way....NAH!! I know the work ethic of my generation is far LESS than those before us. I have times now (even working from home) where I contemplate my life as the alarm goes off n I question my life's choices (which mainly lead to WHY I didn't just open the onlyfans account while it was hot). It's to the point where job opportunities that present themselves have to move me with the benefits package FIRST before I look at the salary. Priorities have definitely been changing.
One of my favorites to prioritize is my COMFORT. No longer am I walking around abusing my feet with heels to allow me to hi-five Jesus for the sake of fashion. I have been wearing heels from all heights since before I could legally drive. Yall know what I am capable of but at this point...I know when its time to hang up the cape. A lot of women my age are still in denial n wanna prove a point-STOP IT MA'AM. Let these little "City Girls" (women under 32) enjoy their moment cuz they'll be on our couch soon enuff. I will kitten heel yall heaux to death-watch me #Werk
Did somebody say WERK?? Well...feel free to catch up to my "Clean Yo Mirror" series scattered along the blog since Feb. I've been looking at myself more than ever these days. I've been smacked in the face with epiphanies n circling back on where n why I phked up. Where I am today, whether good or bad is a result of my previous actions of my earlier years. I preach to Mason our actions have consequences and whether u pay now or later-ur gonna pay! My sassiness has simmered down n I'm observant. There's a greater impact with silence. Not everything needs a response n the need to control has faded. I don't wanna fight no mo'. Life is soooo much easier resting in my feminine-ness becuz I am protected n secure with the men in my circle. I wasted a lot of my years fighting against being submissive to where now I just wanna be a delicate flower n live the life of abundance meant for me which is an easygoing lifestyle. No stress! No drama! No chaos!
I love the freedoms I have with speech n saying how I feel. There's power in transparency and I do my own Rabbit from 8 Mile move to tell my own business cuz u can't shame me with my own story. I am open with sharing my journey n openly admit I am not perfect. I am doing the work on myself to be a better me. I want to align myself with squares n heaux who on the same mindset n frequency I'm on-ELEVATION!! I ain't bout no phk shyt. I'm too old for hot girl summers. I'm not comment cappin on social media. I'm not amongst the "cool" kids crowds cuz I wanna be out the way. Give me slow jam lounges, jazz nights, R&B parties and anything of intimate settings with small groups. My patience is limited for stupidity. I wanna be around people who are also comfortable holding me accountable n to standards of greatness. I'm out here minding my business, peeping urs and changing my ways. I can't be calling nobody out if my own house ain't in order. This decade I'm in is where I have to zero in and move more intentional than ever. Every move I make now is important to coast me into my later life-finances (lawd pray for me), motherhood (I have a freakin HS'er), dating (my name gotta get on paperwork lol), career (what do I wanna be when I grow up?), physical (my scale numbers dropping harder than a Yeezy drop) and TIME.
So yea...halfway into being 40 n these are the random thoughts I think of to shape my movement. I look at how my parents made it look so easy. I am not as mature nor serious with life as they were at my age n I be wondering...is this what life is suppose to be? Why am I like this? Am I suffering from some type of arrested development? When I shake my head at these kids-am I turning into my parents? Lordie I'm 40 which is 10 years from 50 that's half of 100 **cue horror scream**