• kisha no e

When I Grow Up


...you know...sometimes u don't know how to start shyt off. That's the weird space I'm in now. I am adjusting to this new life no longer being a college student where I am hibernating to get papers and discussion boards done at the last minute becuz I procrastinated all week. I am definitely enjoying the free time n haven't quite got a grip on how to utilize it. What's next...??? Let me let chew in on a secret...I have no idea what I wanna be when I grow up! Crazy right. I am at the age where I gotta SERIOUSLY invest more into myself as retirement **cue horror scream** is two decades away. That R word doesn't even bite til I say it out loud. My degree is in communications! I'm not out here to be a doctor or lawyer of the sorts. I enjoy the admin field I am in and pretty content with my lifestyle.

What do I wanna be when I grow up??? Happy! I am in love with the space I'm in. I am not chasing a dollar-been there, done that. It's not that I'm not taking life serious as if I have plenty of time to recoup, I am just balancing whatever time left to enjoy life n also prepare for my elders to transition into the afterlife. My grandma is headed into her 80's n my parents are entering their 60's. This is where the "health is wealth" discussions enter the chat becuz let's be real...they don't have another 60 n 80 years. I am at the point where I am NOT overworking myself n enjoy the flexibility to spend time with family as much as possible. It's such a taboo topic-DEATH-yet inevitable which we don't acknowledge out loud.

I want to enjoy watching my kids grow up n see how well they turn out as they become whatever opposite I envisioned lol. Parenting a teen is kicking my azz. Chasing after a toddler while its a few days out the week...kicking my azz. There is no fast forward nor rewind button I would rather hit. I enjoy living in this moment n being able to provide for them as much as possible. Now that I know they are secure...moving on to myself...within this dating world **cue record scratch wit a screech** I've been dipping my toe in and out of the pool along with learning myself. What I want, what I won't tolerate n accept n being able to BE what I reciprocate. Yesssss..I've been cleaning my mirrors n it's been quite humbling. So although I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up, I'm not just frolicking through fields of daisies in a sundress without a care in the world. I am spontaneous n undecided in a few areas of life these days but one thing is fo' sho'...EVERY WEEKEND u can surely catch me doing my routine of starting my weekend off with a Starbucks run followed by a Wegmans stroll. That is my happiness of what brings me joy n keeps me aligned to gather thoughts n figure out how to conquer the world **evil laugh**























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