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  • Writer's picturekisha no e

The Infamous Dating Pool

I am no love guru but if men are such simple creatures, why is dating so hard for us? Why we can't seem to get it right n what the hell are yall doin out in deez streets gettin such a bad rap!! As I gaze over the dating pool n see who's lingering to seek relationships, I peek over the fence to take a gander here's what I see near the **dun dun duuuun** dating pool:

  • People dipping their toes in the water like they scared to get wet or checkin the temp

  • Heaux getting splashed

  • Folks getting baptized (whew yall bold)

  • Those who disregard the signs of the area where its too deep n just dive in **cue cannonball**

  • Spectators who came to just look pretty with no intentions of getting wet (window shopping)

  • Newbies that never learned to swim so their knees buckle the closer they get to the water

  • Some who comin running n screaming out the water to warn others of sharks

Most people are safe in the shallow end of the pool. It's a neutral area to swim around and learn the basics until u graduate to the deep end. The problem is...we get to the deep end n come running back to the security of the shallow end? Why...becuz there's comfort and a sense of contentment being able to have ur feet touch the ground. You can maintain ur balance knowing ur feet are firmly planted in the shallow end vs unsurety of the deep end. You never know how deep it goes n you've been scared to venture off into the deep end becuz you've heard the horror stories of folks who nearly drowned or never made it back! It's forever been a myth into the unknown (n we prefer guarantees).

We all have different reasons to visit the pool but let's be real...after a few laps around, u get tired. Why not show up with an objective on what ur looking for when u come to the pool? Some of yall be comin back to the same pool of a familiar crowd n wonder why u keep getting bit by jellyfish n sharks. That pool is overcrowded yet u pass by less crowded pools becuz u heard its boring n u wanna be where it's LitTy!! You'd much rather be at the pool where u gotta fight over chairs to sit n wait ur turn for someone to give u swim lessons. U need lessons but the trainers are busy juggling multiple students so what u do? How do u get the trainers attention?

U come up with a scheme to fake like u drowning so u carry yo azz towards the deep end. The trainers still paying u no mind n why would they? They got they hands full. Here u go...u done lost footin n slipped into the deep end. Arms flailing n u yelling for help. Instead of a trainer dropping what they doin, a life guard comes to save ur azz. Whole time he bringin u back to safety, u bytching n complaining cuz its not one of the trainers u wanted to save u instead of appreciating the only option u had during yo time of distress. Ain't that some shyt. U left storming away wit an attitude n leaving bad YELP reviews to "warn" others how tainted the pool is!!

Some of yall heaux don't know what chall want to gain from coming to the pool. U show up unprepared n winging it-no towel, no SPF, no umbrella; just expecting ur needs to be met when u arrive. To my heaux who haven't tapped into ur greatness or don't feel like u deserve more becuz u have yet to experience the benefits n joys of "more"; u are a big fish in a little pond. U don't belong in the overcrowded pool area n need to exit expeditiously! By now, for my age group, we shouldn't be beginners at swimming n should also be able to decipher the kind of crowd to dip with. The type of crowd u want might not be what u need so carry yo azz n try a different pool which is often times the road less traveled.

Again, I am observant as I've made my way from the fence looking at yall pool n slowly took notes while headed to lounge near my pool. I'm getting splashed on but I ain't ready to get baptized. Let me be the first to tell yall....I can't swim yet I know enuff that if I get tossed in...I won't drown cuz I can peddle enuff to the shallow end. There's plenty of seats here. Some trainers got free time so they come to me asking if anyone lookin to swim. I pause n ponder with a few potentials in mind but naaaah...yall too busy at the other pool n I'd rather this spot remain exclusive n free'd up for those who seriously wanna not just learn how to swim but receive a certificate of completion for the program.

That's just a small fraction of what I see n heard from the patrons but hey...what do I know, I'm just waiting on my lifesaver #BaeWatch

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