This post is derived from what I thought was a simple question posed on my FB page:
Do women get upset when a man ask them to smile?
I had no idea-honestly this question would have such a trigger for women who feel some kind a way about a man asking them to smile. I've clearly been out the loop! I was watching an episode of The Godfather (here) vid n he was goin back n forth with a woman who called to complain about men asking her to smile. I didn't know if she was joking or not so I kept moving about cleaning n loosely listening. Time had passed n they were STILL talking about a man's requesting the gesture for women to smile. I'm scratching my head like WTF are we talking bout here? I was starting to think my time was being wasted n for the love of Ray J didn't understand why KS kept entertaining her wit the topic.
In that moment I felt like Allen did with what (I figured) was minor shyt that wasn't important. Maybe I am out of touch becuz I can't really relate. I am not always walking around smiling...come to think of it...I don't but there must be something for men to view me as approachable becuz when a man does ask me to smile-I simply do it n keep it moving. I've never been asked in an aggressive manner so there's that. More times than not, I prolly get bothered when I'm not in the mood but it doesn't dictate my response. I purposely bury my head in my phone n do a meeeeean look away to avoid acknowledging their presence in passing. However, maybe its just meeeeee....I am not above giving a smile whether I initiate it or it's requested. I remember growing up every time we went to the country people would wave n speak whether they knew u or not. Hence another reason...I didn't understand the madness in the answers or when a smile request became demanding n offensive.
Smiling and laughs are contagious. U never know what or how a person's mood can change with a mere smile. U heaux (especially if ur single) are missing out on possible opportunities n blessings wit the mean mug approach. One lovely happy hour evening, a friend n I were kiki'in at a bar. We were totally having our typical laughs n chat when a man across from us pardoned his way in the convo to compliment my laugh **tee hee n blushing** I said thank u n went back to the conversation. Later in the evening, as he was leaving he inserted himself once again to bid me a farewell but not without letting me know he came to the bar after a hard day's work n he surprisingly felt better after hearing my laugh. Well what do ya know...my laughs, giggles n smiles had made this random stranger's day! Apparently it made his day so well...he handed me some 20 dollar bills to pay for my meal n get this yall...he wanted NOTHING in return **gasp**
Shocker right...a man who doesn't know me wit the audacity to not only interrupt my convo wit my girl but toss money in hand to pay for my stranger azz meal becuz my laugh's entertained him **cue eyeroll** how annoying LOL!! A man who asks u to smile isn't always trying to holla at u n they also have good intentions of just wanting to see black women smile becuz we often do not. We have such a harsh shield up against men in general n take things so abrasive or maybe it's just from men we don't find attractive becuz I know dmnnn well no matter what ur mood is, if u came across **insert crush** n he (or she) asked u to smile you'd do it with no hesitation. I don't discriminate becuz I am aware of the depressional state many walk around in n if I can release some happiness hormones which cost me NOTHING so be it. It takes more energy in having an attitude than just doin it but whoooaaaaa **holds hands in the air** I have no rights to tell women what to do wit they bodies, my bad.
Men are such simple creatures! They don't ask for much n when they do we give em pushback with sucking our teeth n sass. (Pausing Note...I still can't believe I am writing a post about phkn smiling) Yet when we really need them i.e change a tire, open spaghetti jars, clear the mouse trap, and providing to name a few...theeeeen we give into the request all day wit extra cheese! I don't know about chall....but I've used my damsel in distress card MANY of times-to strangers. THANK GOD they didn't have the same attitude as u women be having where they'd not acknowledge my request to help a sista out or feel becuz I'm a woman I have an entitlement to force them to give me a jump...Wheeeew Chile!
I have no idea what type of trauma's yall have gone through when it comes to men but we gotta address em ASAP! There's such a disconnect these days and even the respect for good men has gone down becuz they don't dress a certain way or make a certain salary. We get offended at the "angry black woman" image yet feed into the stereotype n confirm it. We are really dismissive if it doesn't apply to us not realizing: OUR IMAGE APPLIES TO US! All I can do is my part which is set the example with how I carry myself n the image I present on my platforms.
Kindness goes a long way and I am open to receiving my blessings. I am far more open to giving into the demands of a man asking me to smile vs what dat mouf do. I have 2 young sons and if this is what black women are giving now I can't imagine what generations after will have to be subjected to. My life isn't an everyday rainbow n bowls of laughs but it dmn sure ain't bad n could dmn sure be worse. When u ask me how my day is, my response is lovely becuz it truly is. I do shyt that brings me joy, I don't entertain shyt that stresses me n I also let go n let God.
Annnnd THIS ladies n gentleman is why I am Picky With My Presence (blog post) I take pride in what energies I put out into the atmosphere so the universe gifts me accordingly. The findings of my post let me know....u heaux ain't saging like u talkin bout lol n check ya attitudes. Even some of the responses came off aggressive like chiiiilll Ma. How can we tell...**cue Rude Boys song** cuz it written all over ya face...u don't have to say a woooooord. Jus smile and smile and smile for me, better than any word I ever heard.
In honor of this post...I am gifting black men smiles to make up for the lack of smiles WE as women haven't been supplying to our oppressed black men who already go through enuff stressors everyday. I love to see black men smile so don't be shy n smile back...please!
P.S. I legit just wrote a whole azz post on smiling.