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  • Writer's picturekisha no e

How to Clean Your Mirror: Resentment

In the spirit of Father's Day, figured I'd do a follow up this year to a previous vintage post from 2021: Daddy Issues. I can honestly say, I've grown so much since then n can present this post to u with a clean heart.

The beauty of my mirror cleaning series is when the spirit hits me, I have to release it as my way of letting go n tossing it into the universe. As much as my blog serves to inform u, I also want it to be a blueprint n diary for my kids to get a glimpse of they mama in a different form they may understand as they get older n can binge my little blurp of this space in time. here we go...

Have u ever heard the saying of how forgiveness is for YOU! We have a longing to hear it when we've felt hurt n been done wrong and often times wait on it for closure thinking we need it to let go n move on. Do u know the feeling of holding on to feeling like you've been treated unfairly all ur life. IF YOU ARE THE OLDEST OF UR SIBLINGS U CAN RELATE-IM SURE...and the longer u allow it to linger it grows cancerous but not on purpose becuz u don't go about life with it on the forefront of ur mind. It's an emotion that surfaces upon being triggered (we love that buzzword right, lol) when u see someone not have to go thru the pain u endured n appear to have less of a hard time which you've overcome. You start to feel a frustration of having been put on a hard road vs the latter of an easier life from ur perspective. 

Have u ever felt inadequate by being compared to someone which led to u growing up being competitive. Have u ever felt overlooked or dismissed which has given u a complex to ensure ur seen.These emotions can cause bitterness as u continue to move amongst the world n rear its ugly head as u get older when it shows up in relationships or how u treat people u love.

Say it with me...RESENTMENT!! That feeling of being wronged or treated unfairly. I can be adult enuff to recognize it n acknowledge in order to LET GO n let Gawd to the best of my ability. Not only have I witnessed what holding grudges n resentment can do, I honestly didn't recognize I had it until a convo with my dad a few summers ago. Although I'm sure we've attempted the conversation in previous years...shyt just hits different at Forty!! I've reflected on my life during moments of stillness to where I can listen to those who've hurt me with a mature ear n not look to continue to seek revenge in any kind of way-HELLO GROWTH-I've learned how to practice empathy n taken into consideration when others have forgiven me. During the conversation, I remained present n allowed my dad to speak without overtalking him or cuttin him off. I know I have a sassy mouth n I know very much so...I got it honest, lol.

We laughed, we cried n at the end of discussion, we came to an understanding n newfound respect for each other n let me tell YOU...I've had a greater peace of mind ever since. I know my dad moves how he does becuz of his upbringing n while there are things done that are no excuses for; the best part is the acknowledgement. In that moment, I felt seen n heard. It was like putting the lid on that little girls toy box n no longer keeping it in the storage but actually setting it outside for trash pick up (cuz who donates rusty toys lol).

If I had to give a greater analogy-grab a mirror. The mirror has maybe a minor scratch n scuff...a little dust n some annoying fingerprints along the mirror. Becuz it doesn't totally distort the reflection when u look in the mirror; ur not really press to clean it as u normally would but every now n then u knock off the dust enuff to get a clearer view. day, u pay a little bit more attention to the mirror n get fed up with the blemishes so u take the windex n paper towel to thoroughly clean it. Somehow, the more u try to clean it...the more smeared the mirror gets n now u putting "elbow" into trying to clean this dmn mirror. Instead of one paper towel, u done grabbed two or hell...take to the good ol' days n use a newspaper. Eventually, the more work u put into the cleaning the mirror, u see the rewards for ur hard work u actually made the time to do n the mirror becomes cleaner than it's ever been. HOT DMN!! A brand new mirror even, who knew. U can now see the true reflection in 4K staring back at u where u can't even believe how immaculate u look staring back at urself. Like...WOW!! You are beaming with such pride at how clean the mirror has gotten n u pause to wonder why u never took the time to do it before...eeeh...that's not important, live in the moment of now! 

And THAT is the clearest way I can describe letting go of resentment n moving forward to reap the benefits of all the great things life has to offer u. The blessings God has are waiting on u to do the work. I think about how counterproductive it is to live in the space of bitterness when u are truly happy for the beauty of life around u. My dad n I have better interactions now n I pride myself on boundaries set in sayin NO!! I know my dad is proud of me n he says I love u often and I love my dad just as much!

To genuinely forgive someone takes time. I can tell u letting go will improve ur relationships n the way u approach disputes n misunderstandings. I have a whole new perspective on the other side n I've grown confident in using my voice. Taking accountability in my own role of not speaking up sooner which resulted in me being passive aggressive in how I treated him with attitude. The whole ordeal has helped me with practicing gratitude. You cannot change the past but know forgiveness truly IS for you. I hope during ur journey u can heal n give grace or be open to dialogue to move forward.

After cleaning that mirror I've felt light enuff to float. I can see clearly after acknowledging resentment is a state of mind n the pain forced me to grow in ways I wanted to avoid. I frolick these streets with a clear conscious n whole heart so it reflects in how I show up for not just yall but for myself-it's an honor!

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