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  • Writer's picturekisha no e

Nothing even matters

There are times where I sit in stillness n peace n look around for whispers of nature as the birds chirp n dragonflies flap in my face n when I go for walks at my leisure. I see grass move without a breeze blowing n I'm grateful to be at a place in my life where life is just GEWD!! I can attest to how good God is n once u come to this realization of stepping into ur power of becoming who u need to be u will move forward with the attitude of...

Now the skies could fall

Not even if my boss should call

The world it seems so very small

Cause nothing even matters, at all

-Lauryn Hill

...some shyt just dont matter! Like seriously...I've always been known to be nonchalant but I can assure u it'll get "worse" as I get older cuz I see the shyt yall stress about n when u lay it on a bigger scale u can see for aint that serious. I am not here to give measurement to what u deem serious. That scale is up to you. This is not to dismiss nor devalue whatever ur feelings are; I'm just sayin-its not good for ur heart to take everything soooo on with burden becuz when u truly pause n pay attention to how life is moving...recognize we are a tiny speck on a planet amongst a whole azz galaxy within a galaxy of space.

I am a huge fan of prioritizing what's important-for's myself FIRST! My girl Kim was saying I was self-care before self-care was a thing lol n I learned it early after having Mason. I've only elevated since then by really treating myself becuz I have more of the means to do so. I am actually overdue for a spa date at the moment but these monthly pedi's have been holding me over. If u read my other post; about overthinking; you'd understand the title of the post more. We deal with so much pressures of the world in many forms in our daily lives n to let minor things eat us up can add to the stressors.

I've learned staying busy in self-enjoyment n reaching to be fulfilled in other areas make a difference in what u put ur energy into with no positive return after a negative deposit. I am quite sure my Lady of Leisure-ness contributes to my conclusion of mmmm meh life. My grandma is a breast cancer survivor. It was just less than 5 yrs ago where I was watching her deteriorate going thru chemo n losing her hair to where now she's far more healthier n bounced back with energy at 80 yrs old. When I compare that to those who were younger that didn't make it, I can appreciate her still being here. She's the last grandma I have. I have no problem re-arranging my schedule or taking off from work to accommodate her dr appts and randomly visit her during the week just to chat. I know she loves our time together.

I can go on with many testimonies where tragedy turned into triumph n where I know when a sleeping bear should wake up. I am not about to go back n forth to prove myself or fight the narrative of someone's perception of me. It feels good to not be on the defense or to automatically think someone is out to get me becuz how I genuinely treat people will not change. What the receiver chooses to do with it isn't on me. You know when u feel betrayed by someone's actions it can feel like egg on ur face but the karma isn't urs to harbor.

At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own happiness. I used to sit around wit the should've, could've n would've's that drove me crazy. Unanswered questions n closure I'll never receive. I've learned to be at peace with mistakes of the past n to keep pressing forward. It took a while for me to grasp this concept n it's been such a lift off my shoulders to know...nothing really matters-not like we think! Focus on the good n be optimistic.

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