mama blues:hold on to your last
The joys of motherhood...watching them grow and imagining all the things they'll be in between. It's such an emotional rollercoaster ride. As a mom of two boys, I can only hope as they grow they know mommy loves them n I do the best for them. Becuz I have my oldest being a teen and my youngest little terror tot, I have a different dynamic of the two. They are like my 'before n after' in a sense becuz I have the opportunity to relive Mason all over again with my lil Toot Toot. Times have definitely changed but motherhood is like riding a bike, you'll never forget and the instincts kick in where u left off. Mason as a teen-wow! Rewinding the clock this many years later-wowzers!
We often times reminisce on the first in our kids lives. The first steps, first tooth, first word, first haircut, first day in school, first foods, just a whole bunch of firsts that fascinate you becuz u witness their growth during those first moments. I was 25 when I had Mason. Those first flew by and I wasn't in the calming position I am in now becuz I was swept up in the hustle n flow of being a first time mom n holding it down in a single parent household. I relied heavily on family during long shift worked hours. Now here I am 14 yrs later, with my last hoorah chasing after a 2 yr old at my leisure on my own terms. It feels great. This is more than I ever could imagine. I am now in a slower pace of motherhood. I have a 9 to 5 schedule where I'm flexible to have my Toot n be fully attentive. So as I've enjoyed the infamous 'first'...
Nobody talks about the last. The last time your kids aren't embarrassed to be seen with you in public, the last time they randomly say I love u, last time they sleep in ur bed, the last time u don't need to accompany them to the bus stop, the last time u held em on ur hip, the last time u changed their diaper, the last time u gave em a bottle, the last time u picked their clothes, the last time they fell asleep on ur chest...aaaah yes.
First are etched in our memories but those Lasts are often forgotten yet just as important. So here I am...juggling in between 2 different generation of kids where my oldest is in first place with his lasts. Yes, my youngest has refreshed my first but he's also catching up wit some lasts. Funny how time flies right...I take all this in. Every chance I get to see him it feels like he's morphed into the next step of me adding on to the list of lasts. It's honestly-bittersweet.
I can only hope my boys both grow old til life comes full circle and they're able to witness my last n know that everything in between was led with love in its purest form-that'll be the first.