I am Not Worthy
As much confidence I display or one may think I have...let me let chew in on a secret...come a little closer **looks around n whispers** I do not have it all-ALL the time! I am not confident ALL the time! I do not have it altogether ALL the time n there are still times where I can't believe I have what I have n live the life I live becuz I am not worthy.
Who cares what people tell u, it doesn't matter if YOU don't feel it urself. When I say I'm not worthy, it's a temporary feeling. It's a small moment I have with myself becuz I can't believe it. The many compliments n comments received are great but iiiii have to believe it n to be honest, I am scared of my own success. The fear of **insert any idea n venture** creeps in n dominates my thoughts where it cripples me to take the leap. I can be totally oblivious to the world when I'm out n about. I miss cues of flirtation n I can't for the life of me understand the fakeness of social media becuz I'm like...why wouldn't people wanna be themselves? How can u not like urself that much to where u create a fictitious life n why would one care so much on what other's think. This is where the fight of comparisons start n real life verzuz starts happening with people u may or may not know. It's where I be like...why me? What makes me so special to have or am I ever so deserving to obtain these blessings.
Then u have to snap out it, stick ur chest out n recognize n realize...YES I AM WORTHY! Why NOT me. When I received the bat signal for this opportunity to judge a pageant I thought it was spam or some type of scam lol. I'm like....who's paying attention to lil ol' me. I engage n encourage yall through sharing my own trials n errors of life wit no foogayzee. I figure if I like me that's enough n I don't curve or conform to fit anyone else's mold of me. You like it or u don't whether I have a dollar in my pocket or a stimmy on the way! I am who I am. Now I can add JUDGE to my resume!!! EEEEK!!! I'm nervous n excited at the same time. I have no background in nere nothing of the sort. How did the Director, Lorrine find me of all people **looks around** wow! I am officially a judge for the full-figured dmv pageant (I have to keep saying it out loud to make it real).
Thank you guys soooo much for speaking on me in rooms I am not physically in, sharing, liking n passing my blog on to friends who maybe interested in my content n overall ME. Once I remember who I am to say yes I AM deserving, my confidence reappears n comes back stronger. You never know who's watching which is why I stress the importance of being mindful of our own images. We are walking billboards for our brands when we leave out the house n we control our narrative with what we post on social media. I love yall for loving me n I hope to have more announcements of these magnitudes no matter how big or small to be apart of for the community where I can: Inspire. Motivate. Elevate :D