kisha no e
How to Clean Your Mirror: Making Peace
Wow, it's been almost a year since I've done one of these. How to Clean Your Mirror is a series of vulnerability for me. It's my highest trafficked post and I don't mind sharing my flaws becuz it's apart of my healing n I'm able to express through writing it out. After every post of cleaning my mirror it's a sigh of relief. Weight lifted off my shoulder. I'm sure I've put time n space in between dropping these becuz to be honest...I be nervous leaving this intimate footprint on the innanet.
Here we go **rips off band aide** Yall know I love being observant. I see the struggles of how we are aging n hardening with lack of trust in others without acknowledging we don't trust ourselves. The gender war chatters still thriving n running rampant becuz everyone wanna just be heard without listening for understanding. We seek validation n spaces of illusion n when it doesn't work in our favor we have to look for someone to blame. Echo chambers be overwhelming. We hate to acknowledge privileges we have over others until our privilege has run dry n shyt don't work in our favor. There's so much disconnection in the atmosphere these days n folks are sad n miserable.
There's a lot of internal struggle we deal with n hide from the surface level. We toss on this happy face n suffer in silence. Moving it off speaking in general...I'll make this personal to ME. Over the last few years, I've been honing my confidence. I can feel how awakened my spirit has gotten n often feel like an alien amongst chaos becuz there's struggles I can't relate to.
I've had bad experiences in life whether it's been a miserable job, missed opportunities, poor judgement in men, mismanaged time, falling out with friends, whore-able decisions, financial losses, family trauma's, losing my mother, babies n the scroll of notes can go on longer than a CVS receipt. The hardest thing I've done is letting go to let gawd. Holding on to bad experiences in any category above will keep u stagnant in life. Holding on to heartbreak will pause u from thriving in the love u deserve. U will not be allowed to move forward to enjoy fruits of labor without making peace with past indiscretions. Acceptance, start there.
Once I started taking accountability for my actions (or lack thereof), doors starting opening for me in ways I couldn't imagine. The moment I started shifting my mindset n seeing the good in what life has to offer it was like a whole new world of grand opportunities revealed. I began to transform how I treated myself. I'm aware of how I talk to myself. I am patient with myself. I hate being in a rush so I give myself ample time n wiggle room to take my time. While I do love me some fried chicken n will NEVER go vegan, I am aware health is wealth n I've incorporated plant based foods within my diet n feel better with brain power.
Ooooh my love life...ok so whew...hear me out. I've always been a free bird n one foot in n out kinda gal. It's so hard to find a balance of what I want annnnd I attracted JUST that. I've had convo's with exes as apart of my self-discovery n learn where we went wrong. U gotta be open to constructive criticism. It's no different than getting an evaluation at work right? I ain't gonna lie...it stung a little bit n the sting was necessary to learn my struggles n where I can improve. I've since learned not everything needs to be said n I ain't gotta always be right. To be honest...it's actually better to STFU n finding silent ways to "make a point".
Becuz I don't half azz with myself, I don't allow anyone else to short me. After making peace with mistakes made in the past, I don't dwell on it. I've even had a breakthrough convo wit my dad that has improved our relationship! Effective communication definitely includes LISTENING. Everyone moving forward starts off with a clean slate with me.I have no trust issues becuz I trust myself FIRST in knowing I've sharpened my skills of discernment. I'm not into online dating becuz I'm so much better in person. U can't piss in my ear n tell me it's raining (as my dad says lol). The dating world now is funny, finicky, scary n the thing that will set u apart is how hopeful u are before u enter. We tip in the dating pool with too many expectations.
The woman u see before u today stands tall in her shyt becuz she didn't allow life to beat her up n make her bitter **turns off 3rd person** I value my time n don't take advantage of others for gain. I need nothing from anyone so there's no hidden agenda wit me. I am where I am today becuz of decisions made in my earlier years-No Regerts lol. U gotta reconcile things u can't change. When u make peace u are reflecting God's likeness **cue church organs** and THEN **preacher finger** people will see the reflection of his glory. Peace is now apart of my lifestyle. I often practice mindfulness, gratitude, optimism, resilience n integrity cuz what u see online is merely a glimpse of me-no cap! If ever ur near me, u will feel the magic from the benefits of making peace.