kisha no e
How To Clean Your Mirror: Taking Risk
Updated: Jan 22, 2022
This will be a post a little off the cusp becuz I like to plan my post but I also let the universe guide my fingers to type what's beating off my heart. I spy with my observing eye...women who are lacking confidence. I also spy with a judgey eye...women who don't take risk-as it relates romantically. For some reason we have issues in the love department n wonder why we can't get a man, keep a man, maintain a man n blah blah blah. I chuckle at those (in denial) who say "I don't need a man" becuz I struggle to open a spaghetti jar n DEFINITELY wish I had a man for those moments. Our generation has been raised with the notion of being the strong independent woman then we get so caught up maintaining our independence we forget our love lives need some type of nurturing too. You take risks more than u know but for some reason when it comes to dating u hit the wall n slow walk shyt.
My love life has never been a priority for me. I know I am a special type of unicorn n I aimlessly dated about on a whim just winging it. My results of those relationships were just that-aimless. I've enjoyed the freedom of seeing em when I seen em n basically no commitment. I like change n thrive on space. I am not clingy n ain't chasing down no ring. However, we are human n require love from people; at the least companionship. I took a break from dating to focus on creating my little Toot then dipped my toe back in the game after he was born but I now have a different angle.
I am not dating to be dating as I did before. I am no longer dating without a purpose. I have a clear vision on what I want n how I want it. Often times we are not direct with what we want n take what we catch on the hook to see where it goes or what this man cultivates into with hopes it falls in line with whatever we want. You skip paying attention to the red flags n invest more time n efforts only to find out...dmn another one bites the dust. Now u complaining bout u done wasted yo time-STOP IT!!! Finding love shouldn't be difficult n I for one ain't working hard for it. When u find it, it won't be confusing n there's no grey area in it. You are what u attract which is why it's imperative u do the work on urself. I'll share a little tidbit on my recent dating FAILS:
I had one prospect who KNEW he wasn't ready for me but crossed the threshold n had to pause becuz I applied pressure. If u know what I'm about why would u cross the threshold to start the game? He could only offer crumbs of time n talkin bout some I gotta get my shyt together, hmph. Another prospect was "too busy" between work n his sons sports n always "wyd" me to death-annoying!! He never really asked questions in getting to know me n I wasn't about to squeeze myself into a tight schedule of seeing him once every month or so. One of my love languages is Quality Time. My other prospect I took a chance on to shoot my shot becuz closed mouths don't get fed laydeeeeez. If u are confident wit yo shyt then u should shoot ur shot where they can only say yes or yes. That didn't work out cuz he was for the streets n off some bshyt but I'm glad he made the moves he made becuz it showed me what I didn't want. A man will show his hand early in the game but u gotta be careful cuz he might hold on to that joker to cut that Ace in ur hand when u think u got a lead in the game. He flaked too many times for me which made my antenna's go up. Luckily for him...I don't have time to investigate n went off my own intuition n gut instincts to trust it. I didn't need any explanation from him verbally cuz his actions n lack thereof showed it. The Big Joker played itself.
My relationship fails wasn't a waste of time. It was a lesson to clean my own mirror n better attract prospects who are ready when they get to me. I am beyond the age of "potential"and ummm I ain't no half azz bytch so they gotta know upon arrival u will NOT pass go n collect 200 if ur not aligned with what I'm looking for. I can honestly take accountability n say...I phkd up. I phkd up becuz when I dipped my toes in the water I said what I didn't want n accepted exactly what I didn't want lol. I gave waivers going off the surface of the person whereas if I stuck to my deal breakers off the top-i wouldn't of had those failures.
I am a risk taker because I am not afraid to fail. I am a risk taker becuz I am confident in my movement n guided with the notion of trusting my instincts. This level of my womanhood is dangerous becuz I'm not doin the whole compromising when I've successfully put in the work to be here. I am standing FIRM in my "I don't want a man with...." rule I ain't budging. I expect him to be just as direct as well. I am learning to be better at effectively communicating becuz I am pretty much nonverbal in that dept. My tone n attitude speaks for itself but with the male species u gotta be verbal for them to understand. Learning all my do's n don'ts have been quite interesting but when u get the hang of it, you'd be surprised with how u sway the pendulum. If things ain't goin ur way in relationships, u gotta pause n evaluate to see where did they go wrong but more so where did YOU go wrong. Hold that mirror up to re-evaluate. I go into every situation with a clean slate n good intentions. My integrity n character stays in tack n so I can sleep well n move on knowing that even if it doesn't work out-it wasn't suppose to n I'm cool wit that becuz I didn't jeopardize who I am n for that...can't no man play me becuz I am confident in the woman I am as an asset sooo who's loss? Not mine!