Aside from learning from my elders and mistakes of others-I am totally winging it at adulting and I've made some pretty jacked up azz decisions along the way. I know we live with the "never let em see u sweat" adage but I mean...that's why we've been so conditioned to this hustle n grind mentality where we only see the celebration of the aftermath. Growing up our parents put such a pressure of perfection on us n in typical child-like fashion; we don't wanna let em down. It's easy for parents to say "live for u" but we keep this notion of I don't wanna disappoint them so we strive to live up to their expectations.
My dad would always stress n press the importance of going to college after HS. We would ride into neighborhoods of mansions with the speech of "this can all be urs IF..." and no matter how often it was beat into my head to go to college, it was never something I was press to do. Now granted I definitely wanted to go to Hilman; still I don't like the pressures we put on our kids to make these lifelong choices in the matter of freshly graduating high school. Like dmnnnn I'm getting tossed into the real world...let me digest a dose at a time at my own pace. There are some people who have that high ambition where they know, no matter what THIS is what I wanna do n nothing can stop them. Errr uuuh-I'm not that one. I would get compared to my strongly academically higher achieving brother (currently within arms reach of his doctorate) or be nudged into the idea of playing basketball becuz I have the height. Like...really!! Me? Basketball? TUH!! My layups ain't on them type of courts n I'm not meant to slam dunk them kinda balls.
I do not regret being a free bird. I have the balls to take chances outside of the norm n go beyond what is familiar. Being able to learn from trials n tribulation is the freedom to fail becuz u come back resilient and u discover ur own endurance. I can pretty much attest to going rogue with what I should do, suppose to do n expected to do based on prior parenting n such. I don't do that whole looking back to see what I'd do differently-NOTHING! I also don't sit back n ponder on the idea of the ones who got away. I am exactly where I am suppose to be in whatever season I'm in.
I think there's some value in failures n reminds us we are human. I am loving my journey of imperfection n being open to the ideas of unlearning and relearning with diversity added. So don't get in a slump becuz ur not "where u wanna be"or feel like ur behind cuz u missed the mark at certain points in ur life. I am still struggling with learning French-nevermind me only practicing for 30 min every 2 days lol. There's always room to re-evaluate n regroup; that's the beauty in the freedom to fail cuz not everyone gets a hole in one!
