top of page
  • Writer's picturekisha no e

Choosy Lover: The Basics

Droppin' in quick to tell yall (oh wait, yall don't like folks to use "telling"cuz it sounds demanding)...**clears throat to start again** I'm here to quickly TELL YALL; Imma make it real uncomfy for yall heaux becuz we need to tighten up. We gotta get out of the state of delusion to realize we gotta do better. These murky waters of the dating pool ain't gettin no better becuz yall not requiring much. Yall outchea moving out of boredom wit no clear direction on what u want or how u want it which also taints the pool for others. Online dating ain't it-I repeat...ONLINE DATING AINT IT!! You gots to get out. You laydeez complaining about the horrible dating scene are gonna need to step it up n GET OUT THERE. The typical pretty girl privilege where u ain't need to do much if anything at all...dwindles n if ur over 35...u gonna need to start putting in work. If ur socially awkward-this might be a challenge n sorry but I ain't got all the answers Sway.

For the last few years, I was busy focusing on my family, school n work. Dating was not my priority. I was out the game for a long time n got used to loosely dating without any sense of urgency to lock anyone down or to BE locked down. In a nutshell...Forty comes fast. By the time I dipped my foot back in the game, I was surprised with how much it changed. I had to switch up the application for open enrollment cuz wheeeeeew...these guys be wild'n. By speaking with the male species, I've learned; these men of value n status ain't stunting off us like that lol. They are sitting back chillin so they don't need to make the first move. Why? Cuz WE need THEM more than they need us **gasp** crazy right?! Men don't really need any type of game in the approach of a woman-however-mistakes guys make is being corny n not being authentic. When a man approaches me, I give em a starting point becuz it shows confidence. I take notes on how well a guy can transition in the convo n how smooth they slid in the situation. The dating dance is an art for us older n mature women. It's been a fun ride but I am waving my white flag. I am done with this rollercoaster ride. It's no longer a thrill for me. I much rather enjoy the "boring" side of love these days. So in a "don't be like me" message...lemme reach back n help out. Time to get choosy...wisely!

Lemme show u what I've learned cuz u gotta maneuver correctly in deez streets with the basics. I'll give yall a few tips n tricks to get started. Knowing how to flirt n send those choosy signals along with how to dress is essential.

Note: Do NOT be aggressive n desperate. For the Love of Ray J, have some dignity why don't cha!! I have never asked for a man's number. If the convo goes well n he's interested then HE will ask to exchange numbers.

When being choosy...u got to let em know without letting em know. First of all, what TF are u wearing?? What's the message u wanna convey about u? Fun n Flirty? Conservative? Classy? For the streets? Exploring options? What type of attention do u want? Dress how u wanna be addressed. Yall don't wanna admit it so we can keep that expressiveness alive. I get it, we should wear what we wanna wear-cool; just don't be surprised when u only getting a certain type of dude. I told yall my ordeal with how I felt when I had pink hair. It was something for me to check off the bucket list n was cute. I didn't like the attention I was getting from it from certain kinds of dudes, i.e. YBN's, NBA's n the rest of those young dudes I can't relate to. I prefer to attract a mature clientele n I dress for such. I'll expand on the dress codes another time.

Learn how to flirt. You gotta know how to balance the shy n coyness. Once u set ur sights on him, lock eyes n look away.

Bytch I said glance...not a stare down n stare off like u doin a blinking contest. Do something like a glance away wit a smirky smile. Be aware of ur surroundings. Who's he wit? Look back at him. Where did he go? Gawn back to what u were u doin cuz again...we not desperate.

Once u see him again, get within his vicinity. Be seen without obviously being seen. Check ur attitude, check ur face-that resting bytch face shyt is NOT gonna work here smh. Your presence needs to be inviting. You already looking good so that's half the battle. Let's seal the deal.

Note: A loud n boisterous man is a turn off to me. I can tell when a man is seeking too much attention by how loud he is-LOUD as in talkin, laughing, dressed, his movement. This is why I don't deal with socialites. Any man who can't sit his azz still AT HOME. A man who is chatty patty is annoying to me. Like them tonsils n STFU sometimes, shyt. Yall know the ones I'm talmbout lol.

Ok, sooo u got his attention. Let him come to u (if u are of confidence YOU can go to him) n be mindful of how ur positioned. If ur at the bar (or wherever) facing forward n towards him shows ur interest. If ur sitting sideways or slanted to where shoulder is diagonal towards him ur closed off; it shows no interest. One of yall gonna break the ice n check the temp in the room. If u give him short answers he'll lose steam. Be aware of ur body language n as yall chat; keep it light n surfaced.

Ok so let's recap **scroll ya azz back up n re-read** If u follow those simple basic steps with a personable n pleasurable attitude, u will or shouldn't have any problems getting to a first date. From there, u can dive further into a dialogue to see if u wanna move forward n press on. Time is currency. We have none to waste.

Welp!! The ball is in ur court. U still have time (not too much) to control ur narrative before self-destruction. The dating scene is plagued with so many hurt men n women that pretty soon, it's gonna crumble down to the Have n Have Not's. Ain't gonna be no more in between's aka situationships, uncertainty of statuses-NAH! We either is or we ain't. It's time to grow up. LAYDEEZ...if u are still in LaLa Land picking men n using the same formula u never changed based on ur feelings n looking to be madly in love (again) STOP IT!! U need to start choosing the men that choose YOU-pay attention. Often times, ur chasing after guys that are out of ur league or ones u want instead of a good Man U NEED. What type of guys have been tryin to holla that u skipped on n not given the time of day to? Get out of having tunnel vision cuz u are limiting ur options to vet effectively. I hope to see u guys on the other side lol frolicking in the Land of Abundance. Good Luck!!

25 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page